This Season Of Motherhood

photo by jenna cody

photo by jenna cody

this season of motherhood has been full of ups and downs. starting with william starting preschool and including learning how to navigate spending time with just the two little ones, pickup and drop off schedules, and everything in between.

most days i feel like there's not enough time in the day. from the second i stumble out of bed in the morning i'm racing a clock. get everyone dressed, head to school, race back home to get teddy a nap, don't forget to eat, head to playgroup, shower, pick william up, wrangle all three down for a 'nap' that often doesn't come... and that's just the morning.

i love having a full schedule. i love having a plan and knowing what i'm doing at every minute. i just wish a few of those scheduled minutes were 'sit and relax' or 'snuggle with your littles'. but those moments rarely come. being a mama of three has taken some time to wrap my head around. because i love the newborn stage and all it's naps and easy to schedule but now that theodore is trying to crawl and eating some solids and dropping naps like it's hot ... things are a little harder to manage. 

my struggles are not unique. i know that. to most they may seem mundane. but for someone who struggles quite a bit with anxiety, i thrive on schedules and plans and knowing what's coming next. maybe that's why i sign up for races, to have something to work towards, a goal in mind that i can achieve when everything else seems to be just me flying by the seat of my pants. why i find so much comfort and joy in sharing this space with you, to give me some kind of regular creative release and keeps me grounded and on a plan working closely with my editorial calendar.

this season of uncertainty and 'busy' will pass. i'll learn to adjust and deal with (as i am. it's terribly difficult, though) everything i put on my plate. because i put it there. i say 'yes' probably a little too often than i should, but i love 'yes'. and i'll probably keep saying it until i totally burn out, but right now, 'yes' is what's keeping my head above water and what's keeping me from completely drowning.