I'm Not A Minimalist

I'm not a minimalist | life by bri

i have white sheets, i purge my belongings constantly (moving is a great excuse. downsizing is even better. i'm in a great position for both), i DIY my cleaning products, i have a capsule wardrobe, i don't make unnecessary purchases.

but i am not a minimalist.

while my home may scream otherwise, my inner desire for more is begging to be let loose. i want that new hat, those new shoes, that damn chalkboard with the letter outlines for my kids. i want a new couch, a fancy bunk bed for the kids, a $500 juicer.

becoming minimalist has a great definition of what minimalism really is and this paragraph speaks volumes:

Modern culture has bought into the lie that the good life is found in accumulating things—in possessing as much as possible. They believe that more is better and have inadvertently subscribed to the idea that happiness can be purchased at a department store.
— Becoming Minimalist

while i no longer believe happiness can be bought, i do get that flutter in my belly, the excitement as my fingers dance across the keyboard typing in the credit card numbers i've memorized from so many online purchases. for what, you ask? for anything. i get excited buying toilet paper, guys. toilet paper. i love the thrill of picking a purchase, justifying it, and clicking 'buy now'. even when that purchase is as mundane and essential as toilet paper. 

the minimalists have perfectly described the end-goal of minimalism:

Minimalism is a tool that can assist you in finding freedom. Freedom from fear. Freedom from worry. Freedom from overwhelm. Freedom from guilt. Freedom from depression. Freedom from the trappings of the consumer culture we’ve built our lives around. Real freedom.
— The Minimalists

it's not about quitting your job, getting rid of your television and traveling the world in your renovated airstream (although that would be lovely). it's about needing less. fewer possessions, fewer distractions, fewer everything. once there is less, what's really important can be seen clearly. and that's where you find freedom.

i'm somewhere between. i look like a minimalist. i act like a minimalist. but i want that new book i just saw on instagram and where did she get those shoes and can we put a hanging chair in our living room or would the kids go nuts but the instagram photos would be so lovely ... 

i've created the minimalist look, and am still working on the minimalist mind. i want that freedom so badly but it's been difficult to separate the desire for less and the consumerist society i've been brought up in. we've been told that more is more and what they have we can have and if we only had a nice kitchen sink everything would be easier.