Generous Adventuring

June is all about being generous.

Generous with yourself, generous with your time, you energies, your wallet. Generous with you intentions, with your family, with your patience.

As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, it's really difficult for me to find generosity for myself. To let go, to give myself what I need, to be calm and easy-going.

One Saturday morning around 9am we decided to make a trip to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA). We didn't plan the day before, didn't have anything ready to go, I wasn't even dressed for the day. But we loaded up the car quickly and headed off. 

On a normal day, I would have been filled with anxiety. 'What about nap times?' 'What will we get for lunch?' 'There's going to be so much traffic!' 'How will they be entertained long enough to actually have fun?' But something about the abrupt nature of this trip and our last-minute decision to go made it more of an adventure than a big family outing. I've been working these past few months on being generous with myself. Giving myself space when I need it, taking a few extra minutes in the shower, asking for help with the dishes. This adventure I was generous with myself in a different way.

I didn't let my anxieties take over. All the things I was worried about I decided to let go. When Theodore got fussy in the children's gallery, I took him out in the courtyard and walked around with him. I nursed him at a cafe table without a cover, without a proper nursing top (ie: my midriff was exposed). I stood by that table for 10 straight minutes while Theodore pushed around one of the chairs. Around and around and around. I followed his lead. And later when the big kids were finished painting, we followed their lead again. Went at their pace, gave them space. 

I gave freely of affection, of patience, of time. We weren't rushed, we saw everything and did everything we wanted. We spent nearly 3 hours walking around LACMA. We skipped naps and didn't eat lunch until well after 1pm on our way home. We enjoyed ourselves like we hadn't been able to before.

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